Some Dos And Don’ts For Pinoy Weddings

 It’s good to be back home after a nice vacation in Hawaii.  I just attended my friend’s wedding on Waikiki and it was a beautiful beachside ceremony.  Over 100 people attended his destination wedding which was pretty cool.  The bridesmaids were dressed in exquisite matching dresses while me and the groomsmen were decked out in matching aloha shirts and white pants, making us look like the hotel ukulele band or the valet guys. 

A wedding should be a time when people need to understand a few basic rules of social etiquette.  The bride and groom spend a lot of time and money putting together a classy event for their guests to enjoy.  And we, as Pinoys and Pinays, sometimes violate these unspoken rules of wedding guest etiquette that can make our people look like total chodes.  Here are some dos and don’ts based on observations at various Filipino weddings I’ve attended.

Do enjoy the hors d’oeuvres that are served during the cocktail hour.

Don’t eat all the fuckin’ hot hors devours when you see a long line of people behind you that just want to have ONE of the stuffed mushrooms. Yes you fat bitch, I’m talking about you.  I really wanted to try one of those damn mushrooms but you had to take them all and I was left with a carrot stick and half of a cauliflower.

Fellas, do buy a brand new stylish barong to sport at the wedding.

Fellas, don’t forget to iron the folds out of your stylish new barong or you will forever be captured in wedding photos as the guy with the designer, full-torsoed pleats in the barong.

Do partake in the open bar and enjoy yourself at a wedding reception.

Don’t be so drunk and think that you can do your childhood break dance moves in the obligatory dance circle when the DJ plays the old school stuff and you haven’t even tried floor moves in over two decades.  This can result in you losing your balance and taking out a few aunties, the videographer, and knocking over a table.  I can’t make that up folks, I’ve seen it happen.

Brides and Grooms, do share your love with your guests by being affectionate to each other.

Brides and Grooms, don’t share your love with your guests by subjecting them to a 30 minute video slideshow full of different couple photos.  We get it, you guys love each other and did a bunch of shit. You don’t have to show us the documentation.

Best Men and Maids/Matrons of Honor, do share a fun story about the bride and groom in your toasts.

Best Men and Maids/Matrons of Honor, don’t take so damn long with your toasts.  We aren’t there to celebrate your ability to talk incessantly.

Brides and Grooms, do enjoy the process of food and cake tasting during your wedding planning phase.

Brides and Grooms, don’t pick a bad cake ’cause there ain’t nothing worse for a wedding guest than looking forward to the wedding cake only to finally get served the cake and it sucks.  Guests will forget a lot of things about a reception but we’ll never forget a reception with a crappy cake. NEVER!

Uncles and Aunts, do take some time to introduce yourselves to new family members and a new friends.

Uncles and Aunts, don’t get so plastered that you hit on some of the new family members and new friends.

Do enjoy the scenery of the reception venue.

Don’t pee over the outdoor patio into the Burbank Mountains if the reception is at The Castaway in Burbank, CA. Yes Chris Pioquinto, I still remember that at my wedding.

Do enjoy the food and appreciate the fact that someone has paid at least $60 per head to feed you.

Don’t be a smarmy, whining asshole because your table got called last for the buffet.

Do enjoy the loving atmosphere at a wedding reception and take time to appreciate the loved ones around you.

Don’t use a wedding reception to propose to your girlfriend and don’t use a wedding reception to air out the dirty laundry of your messed up relationship. 

Do take the table centerpiece if it is being given away.

Don’t take the flowers from the hotel lobby where the reception is taking place or the chair seat covers.  What kind of classless losers do that?

Do invite your old friends to your wedding.

Don’t invite your ex if you had a bad breakup.  It’s a waste of time and money.

And finally…

Do give some words of encouragement if the videographer asks you to say something to the bride and groom for the wedding DVD.

Don’t say the words “No more hand jobs” if the videographer asks you to say something to the bride and groom for the wedding DVD.  Thanks Mike. I now have a wedding DVD with the phrase “hand jobs”. Try explaining that to the relatives in the Philippines that couldn’t attend the wedding but wanted a copy of the video.